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Marge: "So, do you think I have a case?"
Lawyer: "Mrs. Simpson, you're in luck! Your sexual harassment suit is just the thing I need to rebuild my shattered practice."

Homer: "I wanna go to Duff Gardens... right now."
Marge: "Oh Homer, quit pouting."
Homer: "I'm not pouting, I'm mourning... stupid dead woman!"

Doctor: "Mrs. Simpson, I'm afraid your husband is dead."
Marge: "(gasps)"
Doctor: "(laughs) April fooled! He's very much alive, although I'm afraid he may never walk again."

Bart: "But that's what we learned about... I sure as HELL can't tell you we learned about HELL unless I say 'HELL', can I?"
Homer: "Er, lad has a point there..."
Bart: "Hell yes!"
Marge: "Bart! You're no longer in Sunday School! Don't swear!"

Homer: "Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked."
Marge: "Homer, watch your mouth!"
Homer: "Uh, I gotta go - my damn wiener kids are listening..."

Marge: "Taking an officer's cap is an arrestible offence."
Homer: "Ooh, what are you gonna do about it? What are you gonna do, huh? Ooh, I'm officer Marge... I'm gonna arrest you..."

Marge: "It's for your own safety...""
Bart: "Uuuh.""
Bully 1: "Take that, safety boy!"
Bully 2: "This padding's so easy on the knuckles, I could punch all day!"

Bart: "Gladys... Gladys... About yay high, blue hair, big dent in her forehead..."
Marge: "No honey, Gladys looked more like your Aunt Patty."
Bart: "(evil laugh) Oh yeah, there she is..."

Homer: "Oh, that man is sick!"
Marge: "Groundskeeper Willy saved you, Homer."
Homer: "But listen to the music... He's evil!"
Marge: "Hasn't this experience taught you, you can't believe anything you hear?"
Homer: "Marge, my friend, I haven't learned a thing."

Bart: "And now, I am going to teach some kids a lesson...""
Marge: "I choose to take that literally."
Homer: "Yes, Bart's a tutor now. Toot on, son, toot on!"

Marge: "Where'd you get all the money?"
Abe: "The government... I didn't earn it, I don't need it, but if they miss one payment I'll raise hell!"

Marge: "Homer, when a man's biggest dreams include seconds on dessert, occasional snuggling, and sleeping till noon on weekends, no one man can destroy them!"

Marge: "I'm going to sue the pants off you!"
Burns: "You don't have to sue me to get my pants off... grrrrr!"

Bart: "And I think it's ironic that, for once, dad's butt PREVENTED the release of toxic gas..."
Marge: "Bart!"

Marge: "So, you want to go on tour with a traveling freak show..."

Marge: "Shoot 'em all and let God sort 'em out..."

Marge: "No Maggie, bad baby!"

Marge: "Internet, eh?"

Marge: "I thought it was toe-tapping fun."

Marge: "You know, when I was a girl, I always dreamed of being in a Broadway audience."

Homer & Marge: "Singing "Those Were The Days"