All wavs on this page were sampled at (8 bit mono 11Khz) and all mp3s on this page were sampled at (80kbs 44Khz).

canthnk.wav(101K) canthnk.mp3(101K)

Homer: "(guitar playing) Will you knock it off? I can't hear myself think!" (guitar stops)"
Homer's brain: "I want some peanuts."
Homer: "That's better!"

nachohat.wav(101K) nachohat.mp3(101K)

Homer: "Ooh, you brought me a nacho hat! Thanks, man." (slurp, crunch)"
Homer sings: "Nacho, nacho man... I want to be a nacho man!"

pokerdog.wav(104K) pokerdog.mp3(104K)

Homer: "(more screaming, running away) Aigh! They're DOGS... and they're playing POKER! Aaaaargh!"

myside.wav(106K) myside.mp3(106K)

Homer: "I have nothing more to say to you, Marge. I'm drawing a line down the center of the house a l�'I Love Lucy'. You stay on your side and I'll stay on my side... Doh!"

hmr2.wav(107K) hmr2.mp3(107K)

Homer: "I wanna go to Duff Gardens... right now."
Marge: "Oh Homer, quit pouting."
Homer: "I'm not pouting, I'm mourning... stupid dead woman!"

flanderssong.wav(108K) flanderssong.mp3(108K)

Chorus sings: "Hens love roosters, geese love ganders, everyone else loves Ned Flanders..."
Homer: "Not me!"
Chorus: "Everyone who counts loves Ned Flanders..."

bnbrunch.wav(109K) bnbrunch.mp3(109K)

(Unknown): "First, the award for the alumnus who's gained the most weight: Homer Simpson!"
Homer: "Oh my God!"
(Unknown): "How did you do it, Homer?"
Homer: "I discovered a meal between breakfast and brunch."

dino.wav(114K) dino.mp3(114K)

Homer: "I've gone back to the time when dinosaurs wheren't just confined to zoos..."

hell.wav(113K) hell.mp3(113K)

Bart: "But that's what we learned about... I sure as HELL can't tell you we learned about HELL unless I say 'HELL', can I?"
Homer: "Er, lad has a point there..."
Bart: "Hell yes!"
Marge: "Bart! You're no longer in Sunday School! Don't swear!"

suck.wav(116K) suck.mp3(116K)

Homer: "Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked."
Marge: "Homer, watch your mouth!"
Homer: "Uh, I gotta go - my damn wiener kids are listening..."

takecap.wav(120K) takecap.mp3(120K)

Marge: "Taking an officer's cap is an arrestible offence."
Homer: "Ooh, what are you gonna do about it? What are you gonna do, huh? Ooh, I'm officer Marge... I'm gonna arrest you... (sound of gun cocking) Huh, what?"

beertalk.wav(122K) beertalk.mp3(122K)

Homer: "(drunk) Maybe it's the beer talking Marge, but you've got a butt that won't quit... They got these big, chewy pretzels here... (mumbles)... beer... Five dollars? Get outta here!"

mineymoe.wav(124K) mineymoe.mp3(124K)

Computer: "Crisis has been averted. Everything is super."
Owner of the Shelbyville Power Plant: "Thank you, Homer, for saving my plant. With that... (shouts) Is the other driving? Do you even know which button you pushed?"
Homer: "Sure, Moe."

default.wav(126K) default.mp3(126K)

(Unknown): "Well Homer, I guess you're the winner by default."
Homer: "Default? Woo hoo! Default: the two sweetest words in the English language... de fault, de fault, de fault (punching sounds)"

doorstop.wav(127K) doorstop.mp3(127K)

Lisa: "Do you think you can get the dentle plan back?"
Homer: "Well, that depends on who's the better negotiator: Mr. Burns or me..."
Bart: "Dad, I'll trade you this delicious doorstop for your crummy old danish..."
Homer: "Done and done... he he he... Doh!"

flanders__donefor.wav(127K) flanders__donefor.mp3(127K)

Flanders: "Oh, we're done for... we're done for... we're done-diddily-done for... we're done-diddily-doodily done-diddily-doodily done-diddily-doodily done-diddily-doodily..." (slapping sound)"
Homer: "Flanders, snap out of it!"

smart.wav(128K) smart.mp3(128K)

Homer: "I am s-smart! I am s-smart! S-M-R-T, I mean S-M-A-R-T..."

beerkill.wav(131K) beerkill.mp3(131K)

Homer: "Oh Lisa, you and your stories: 'Bart is a vampire', 'Beer kills brain cells'. Now let's go back to that building... thingy... where our beds and TV... is."

hmr1.wav(148K) hmr1.mp3(148K)

Homer: "Oh, that man is sick!"
Marge: "Groundskeeper Willy saved you, Homer."
Homer: "But listen to the music... He's evil!"
Marge: "Hasn't this experience taught you, you can't believe anything you hear?"
Homer: "Marge, my friend, I haven't learned a thing."

tut_on.wav(152K) tut_on.mp3(152K)

Bart: "And now, I am going to teach some kids a lesson..." (door slams)"
Marge: "I choose to take that literally."
Homer: "Yes, Bart's a tutor now. Toot on, son, toot on!"

dst.wav(153K) dst.mp3(153K)

Homer: "First time I've ever been early for work! Except for all those 'daylight savings' days... lousy farmers!"

32dohs.wav(160K) 32dohs.mp3(160K)

Homer: "A collection of 32 Dohs"

scumbag.wav(162K) scumbag.mp3(162K)

Lisa: "Dad, what if I told you you could lose weight without dieting or lifting a finger?"
Homer: "I'd say you're a lying scumbag - why sweetie?"

bologna.wav(176K) bologna.mp3(176K)

Homer sings: "My baloney has a first name, it's H-O-M-E-R... my baloney has a second name it's H-O-M-E-R"

bringwtr.wav(82K) bringwtr.mp3(82K)

Woman: "Is it true that we have to bring our own water?"
Homer: "We got a little rule back home: If it's brown, drink it down. If it's black, send it back."

destruct.wav(83K) destruct.mp3(83K)

Homer: "I've finally tapped into that spirit of self-destruction that makes rock-n-roll the king of music!"

homercry.wav(83K) homercry.mp3(83K)

Homer: "Hearye, hearye: Ye old town crier proclaimed crappy by all - chooseth Homer Simpson, and he shall rock thy world!"

okbrain.wav(84K) okbrain.mp3(84K)

Homer: "Alright brain, you don't like me and I don't like you. But let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer."

freeduff.wav(88K) freeduff.mp3(88K)

Homer: "(gasps) Free Duff! Viva life!" (sound effects of Homer chugging multiple Duffs and falling over)"

damn-it.wav(89K) damn-it.mp3(89K)

Homer swears: "Damn it! Doh I, Arrrgh... Ah, hell with it!"

hmr7.wav(90K) hmr7.mp3(90K)

Homer: "I tied MY dog outside MYself. I am looking at him right... Doh!"

flancry.wav(92K) flancry.mp3(92K)

Flanders: "Har-ye, har-ye... I declare myself tickled pink about Springfield's bicen-tiddily, ti-ten-toodily, rin-tin-tennial day!"
Homer: "You suck-diddily-uck Flanders!"

evlhmer.wav(94K) evlhmer.mp3(94K)

Homer: "(singing) I am evil Homer... I am evil Homer... I am evil Homer... I am evil Homer..."

kennedy.wav(97K) kennedy.mp3(97K)

Young Homer: "Look at me, er... um... mom: I am er um, President Kennedy"

wplowrap.wav(99K) wplowrap.mp3(99K)

Homer: "I know, I'll do a rap! (boom chi chi boom chi chi boom chi boom)
I'm Mr. Plow and I'm here to say
I'm the plowinist guy in the USA (Snowball squeals)
I've got a big plow and I move a lot of things (Lisa and Bart say "Aw, dad, please")
Strike your cow if you have one..."

invincible.wav(51K) invincible.mp3(51K)

Homer: "I am invincible! Invincible! (smack) Yooowww!"

21.wav(53K) 21.mp3(53K)

Dealer: "19"
Homer: "Hit me"
Dealer: "20"
Homer: "Hit me"
Dealer: "21"
Homer: "Hit me"
Dealer: "22"
Homer: "Doh!"

hmr5.wav(53K) hmr5.mp3(53K)

Homer: "This is all your fault! It's... Awww, how can I stay mad at you?"

hmr6.wav(54K) hmr6.mp3(54K)

Homer: "Your song touched me in a way I've never felt before... and which way to the can?"

graduate.wav(57K) graduate.mp3(57K)

Homer: "So, a graduate student, huh? How come you guys can go the moon, but you can't make my shoes smell good?"

otto4.wav(57K) otto4.mp3(57K)

Homer: "Alright, he can stay. But I get to treat him like garbage."
Otto: "Wow, what's the catch?"

mmmbbq.wav(58K) mmmbbq.mp3(58K)

Homer: "(sniffs) Mmmm... barbecue..."

baddonut.wav(59K) baddonut.mp3(59K)

Homer: "Mmmmm... forbidden donut...(munching sounds)"

despbeer.wav(59K) despbeer.mp3(59K)

Homer: "The other day, I was so desperate for a beer, I snuck into the football stadium and ate the dirt under the bleachers."

beerpain.wav(60K) beerpain.mp3(60K)

Homer: "No, no... beer bring pain!"

daddy.wav(60K) daddy.mp3(60K)

Woman: "(smack, spank, whack) Oh, God!"
Homer: "He he he... call me daddy"

gotmail1.wav(61K) gotmail1.mp3(61K)

Homer: "The mail! The mail is here! Ooooh..."

dancin.wav(68K) dancin.mp3(68K)

Homer sings: "You make me feel like dancing..."
Barney sings: "I wanna dance the night away..."

american.wav(63K) american.mp3(63K)

Homer: "If you don't like your job, you don't strike - You just go in every day and do it really half-assed! That's the American Way."

burrito.wav(63K) burrito.mp3(63K)

Homer: "(chants) Where's my burrito? Where's my burrito? Where's my burrito? (smack!) Ow!"

here-ye.wav(64K) here-ye.mp3(64K)

Homer: "Hearye, hearye - the Homer Broadcasting System is on the air! All hollering, all the time!"

noname.wav(66K) noname.mp3(66K)

Homer: "Now here are some of your no-name bands: Sonic Youth, Nine Inch Nails..."

grandpa.wav(69K) grandpa.mp3(69K)

Abe: "That's 'cuz you're a screw-up!"
Homer: "You're the screw-up!"
Abe: "Why you little... (choking sounds)"

change.wav(72K) change.mp3(72K)

Homer: "I guess some people never change... Or, they quickly change and then quickly change back."

truth.wav(75K) truth.mp3(75K)

Homer: "You want the truth? You want the truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"

nevertry.wav(76K) nevertry.mp3(76K)

Homer: "Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably! The lesson is: Never try."

floorpie.wav(79K) floorpie.mp3(79K)

Homer: "Oooh... floor pie! Wah!"

rockperf.wav(80K) rockperf.mp3(80K)

Homer: "Why do you need new bands? Everyone knows rock attained perfection in 1974. It's a scientific fact."

choclate.wav(31K) choclate.mp3(31K)

Homer: "Mmmm... chocolate"

mmbeer.wav(31K) mmbeer.mp3(31K)

Homer: "Mmmm... beer"

oscar.wav(31K) oscar.mp3(31K)

Homer: "He he he... just like Oscar the Grouch..."

dohaaa.wav(34K) dohaaa.mp3(34K)

Homer: "Doh! Argh! Aaiii! (crash, splat)"

hmrnet.wav(35K) hmrnet.mp3(35K)

Homer: "The girls of the Internet... Ooh, I'd go online with them any day!"

laws.wav(37K) laws.mp3(37K)

Homer: "In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!"

purple.wav(39K) purple.mp3(39K)

Homer: "Donut?"
Lisa: "No thanks. Do you have any fruit?"
Homer: "This has purple stuff inside... Purple is a fruit."

anykey.wav(39K) anykey.mp3(39K)

Homer: "To start, press any key... Where's the Anykey?"

dew.wav(39K) dew.mp3(39K)

Homer: "Er, gotta go shake the dew off the lily..."

hmrcando.wav(39K) hmrcando.mp3(39K)

Homer: "(gasps) Computers can do that?"

crime.wav(40K) crime.mp3(40K)

Homer: "Mmmmm... organized crime..."

obeseman.wav(40K) obeseman.mp3(40K)

Homer: "All my life I've been an obese man trapped inside a fat man's body"

theplan.wav(40K) theplan.mp3(40K)

Abe: "Just leave me in the car with the window open a crack."
Homer: "That's the plan!"

fat.wav(43K) fat.mp3(43K)

Homer: "Mmmm... fattening..."

homer15.wav(43K) homer15.mp3(43K)

Homer: "Well all I'm going to use this bed for is sleeping, eating, and maybe building a little fort - that's it!"

donuts.wav(44K) donuts.mp3(44K)

Homer: "Donuts - is there anything they can't do?"

aye_aye.wav(45K) aye_aye.mp3(45K)

Homer: "Aye aye, Admiral Butthead"

free_goo.wav(46K) free_goo.mp3(46K)

Homer: "Mmmmm... free goo..."

hmr4.wav(46K) hmr4.mp3(46K)

Homer: "Don't hassle with that, boy... They have eerie powers"

urdedbrn.wav(46K) urdedbrn.mp3(46K)

Homer: "Oh you're a dead man, Burns... Oh you're dead, YOU'RE DEAD BURNS!"

dohdeer.wav(47K) dohdeer.mp3(47K)

Homer: "(crash) Doh!"
Lisa: "A deer!"
Marge: "A female deer..."

headache.wav(48K) headache.mp3(48K)

Homer: "They didn't have any aspirin, so I got you some cigarettes..."

boring.wav(21K) boring.mp3(21K)

Homer: "Boring!"

mfuzzy.wav(22K) mfuzzy.mp3(22K)

Homer: "Mmmm... fuzzy..."

notimeforthatnow.wav(22K) notimeforthatnow.mp3(22K)

Homer: "No time for that now, the computer's starting"

suck_uck.wav(22K) suck_uck.mp3(22K)

Homer: "You suck-diddily-uck, Flanders!"

dare-ya.wav(23K) dare-ya.mp3(23K)

Homer: "Come on, I dare ya"

jive.wav(25K) jive.mp3(25K)

Homer: "You jive turkey"

mhogfat.wav(25K) mhogfat.mp3(25K)

Homer: "Mmmm... hog fat..."

badstuff.wav(26K) badstuff.mp3(26K)

Homer: "I have a feeling some bad stuff is about to go down..."

gotohell.wav(26K) gotohell.mp3(26K)

Homer shouts: "Go to hell!"

hi-daily.wav(26K) hi-daily.mp3(26K)

Flanders: "Hi-dily hey!"
Homer: "Go home!"
Flanders: "Toodily-doo!"

notgay.wav(26K) notgay.mp3(26K)

Homer: "I'm not gay, but I'll learn..."

curvy.wav(27K) curvy.mp3(27K)

Homer: "Kiss my curvy butt goodbye!"

ebert.wav(28K) ebert.mp3(28K)

Homer: "Oh, no... I'm sweating like Roger Ebert!"

ummsom.wav(28K) ummsom.mp3(28K)

Homer: "Mmmmm... something..."

blubber.wav(29K) blubber.mp3(29K)

Homer: "Woo hoo! Look at that blubber fly!"

brainiac.wav(29K) brainiac.mp3(29K)

Homer: "Uh, excuse me Professor Braniac"

jip.wav(29K) jip.mp3(29K)

Homer: "Aww, what a gyp!"

mdonuts.wav(30K) mdonuts.mp3(30K)

Homer: "Mmmm... donuts..."

urinal.wav(30K) urinal.mp3(30K)

Homer: "(sniffs) Mmmm... urinal fresh..."

doh.wav(6K) doh.mp3(6K)

Homer: "Doh!"

070-who2.wav(6K) 070-who2.mp3(6K)

Homer: "Woo hoo!"

bang_ow.wav(9K) bang_ow.mp3(9K)

Homer: "(bang) Owwww!!"

whatwsth.wav(9K) whatwsth.mp3(9K)

Homer: "What the hell was that?"

you.wav(9K) you.mp3(9K)

Homer: "Why you little...!"

no.wav(10K) no.mp3(10K)

Homer: "No..."

boogie.wav(13K) boogie.mp3(13K)

Homer: "Aigh! Boogie man!"

ow2.wav(13K) ow2.mp3(13K)

Homer: "Oohhhh!"

1doh.wav(14K) 1doh.mp3(14K)

Homer: "Another Doh!"

awwcrap.wav(14K) awwcrap.mp3(14K)

Homer: "Aww, crap!"

wahoo.wav(14K) wahoo.mp3(14K)

Homer: "Whoo hoo!"

superfan.wav(16K) superfan.mp3(16K)

Homer: "(gasp) Super fun happy slide!"

wshutupbrain.wav(16K) wshutupbrain.mp3(16K)

Homer: "Shut up brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-Tip!"

homer.wav(17K) homer.mp3(17K)

Homer: "Yet another Doh!"

kmhyb.wav(17K) kmhyb.mp3(17K)

Homer: "Kiss my hairy yellow butt."

fraidnot.wav(18K) fraidnot.mp3(18K)

Homer: "'Fraid not infinity!"
Flanders: "'Fraid so infinity plus one!"
Homer: "Doh!"

stupidtv.wav(18K) stupidtv.mp3(18K)

Homer: "(smacking TV) Stupid TV! Be more funny!"

pagans.wav(19K) pagans.mp3(19K)

Homer: "God bless those pagans..."

heardint.wav(68K) heardint.mp3(68K)

Homer: "Ever heard of a little thing called the Internet?"

inetcptr.wav(54K) inetcptr.mp3(54K)

Homer: "Ooh, they have the Internet on computers now."

wlcminet.wav(59K) wlcminet.mp3(59K)

Homer: "Welcome to the Internet my friend. How can I help you?"

boyairpt.wav(81K) boyairpt.mp3(81K)

Homer: "A boy can learn more at an airport than he can at any school."

funcbeer.wav(47K) funcbeer.mp3(47K)

Homer: "Homer no function beer well without."

jerk_ass.wav(41K) jerk_ass.mp3(41K)

Homer: "Outta my way jerkass!"

nafshing.wav(61K) nafshing.mp3(61K)

Homer: "Nanananana fishing!"

watchfox.wav(62K) watchfox.mp3(62K)

Homer, Marge, Lisa & Bart: "We are watching Fox."

singing.wav(77K) singing.mp3(77K)

Homer: "Singing is the lowest form of communication."

all_nuts.wav(22K) all_nuts.mp3(22K)

Homer: "You're all nuts."

failure.wav(52K) failure.mp3(52K)

Homer: "Trying is the first step toward failure."

hm_car.wav(221K) hm_car.mp3(221K)

: "Moe & Homer talk shop"

lumber.wav(70K) lumber.mp3(70K)

Homer: "Lumber, we need lumber."

doh2.wav(13K) doh2.mp3(13K)

Homer: "Doh!"

donthink.wav(50K) donthink.mp3(50K)

Homer: "I don't think so, stupid!"

gumibeer.wav(57K) gumibeer.mp3(57K)

Homer: "Mmmmm... Gummi Beer."

ifsandbuts.wav(97K) ifsandbuts.mp3(97K)

Homer: "If 'ifs' and 'buts' were candy and nuts, th... how does the rest of that go?"

mmmhdvrs.wav(70K) mmmhdvrs.mp3(70K)

Homer: "Mmmmm.... hors d'oeuvres."

soylent.wav(68K) soylent.mp3(68K)

Homer: "Mmmmm... soylent green..."

the_days.wav(716K) the_days.mp3(716K)

Homer & Marge: "Singing "Those Were The Days"